Brace yourself...it's a pity party!
and p.s.--it is not directed at anyone specific! This is merely my messed up mind at work!!!!

When I see pictures of my school or when I am there in person, I feel overwhelmed. When we drive up into the parking lot, my breathing gets shallower, my knees start shaking and I get REALLY excited...I love my school and I feel soo, sooo lucky to have gone there. I feel like it is less a part of me every day and that scares me... a lot.

So, I don't feel like talking about the trip because when I think about it, I get a headache. When I think about one particular student, I get a headache. When I think about what's going on in my life, I get a headache. When I think about what I wish I was doing instead, I get sad. The grass is always greener, right? Well, how would I know unless I see for myself? I doubt anyone can sit back and tell me that they would blame me for being curious, especially if I'm not feeling the pull that I "should" be in my current situation. I bet however, that plenty of people will/would try and talk me out of any decisions that we may make just because they played it safe in their own lives. I HATE playing it safe. I HATE it when people try and tell me the way to be. I am still young and there is no way that I am going to not do something, even if I screw it up, just because someone told me not to do it! UGH. What's the most frustrating is when people are happy when you screw up. It's like it's more important for them to be right than for you (me) to have lived a little bit of life and learned a little something for myself. There.

Now, do I have a plan? What do you think? No, no plan. BUT, I am open to spontaneity, opinions, ideas, adventure...I am open to collaboration and compromise. What I am not open to is comfortable. I like it a little uncomfortable. If you ask me, comfortable is way scarier than not. It says to me...that's it, no more, you're done, have fun.
So, chatty says, "plan it and we'll go!" Never was I expecting him to say that and so easily. You see, these trips get to him too. He has daydreams of going to culinary school but then talks himself out of it by telling himself that he isn't creative enough. I think that's a load of crap! Why are people so scared of doing the unconventional?!

I know that I am labeled as the 'unrealistic' one in the family. I daydream a lot and get smiled at like, 'oh, that's funny...now really...' back down to earth. So, my mission? To find a plan. Yep, you don't believe me, but I am going to. Even if it is just short term!

This is how I feel often and it's always magnified when I get back from these fieldtrips. This one was the most unique one ever. I was actually accused of basically stealing money from the trip's budget from one of my students. I wish I could no longer claim her as one of my students. AND, when I get back to school, she will be phased out. No longer am I going to give her anything but just the work to be done. She sucks and she ruined my trip...she made me cry. AND, she is fat. I know, I'm mean but really the whole reason she was making these accusations is because she thought that there should be more money for our meals! Hello selfish! I don't even get more than $35 per diem when I go out of town for work! Freak. She could stand to eat less anyways. Walking around SF she couldn't hang with the pack, even when we were going downhill! ughhh! I am completely over this girl! There were lots of good things that happened and unfortunately, it's all overshadowed by her greediness. Here is a picture from -> Chinatown. I love going there. It was so sunny and HOT too. What a beautiful day in the city. We didn't have nearly enough time to enjoy it.

So, we had a nice Easter, right? This is my freaky brother in his ultra retro short shorts. Nice, huh? All ready for a hot tub. What you can't see is that he's not the only one in the room with those fancy shorts on! There are two others and they look just as retro as spank here. Nice hair by the way.

Now about Jerky. He is growing. This is unfortunate because he's already quite large. He can still jump up on the bed and couch, however I wouldn't say it is with ease. He has been enjoying our time off and sleeping inside WAY too much. This is his pathetic mug wanting in yesterday morning. Just before the pic was taken he was actually scratching furiously at the window panes. Such a darling kitty.
Here he is as of right now, this very minute. Rough day. You know, even though his limp is gone, something is still wrong with his hip. When he sits down, he sits with his right leg sticking out to the side, not tucked under like he used to do. So, I don't know, maybe he has a sore hip or something....he just won't tell me what's wrong! I ask and I ask and he just says he's fine and to leave him alone! Whatever.

Okay, well, if it means anything, I feel better after venting!
Later ya'll.