what am I doing?

OMG. It is exactly 12 a.m. and I am sitting here drinking a beer. listening to music and trying my hardest not to think about Saturday. I know that as soon as I put my head down on the pillow I will start stressing.
We have 15 different appetizers, 3 desserts and 1 beverage to prepare for 150 people and we are behind. Yep, we are behind.
I am not worried, there is nothing that I can do at this moment except for chop cabbage but come on...it's midnight! I just finished making the last 80 pork buns. It's a very strange menu but whatever.
The first week back was good but WAY too busy. We have staff lunch tomorrow, this thing on Saturday and then this strange school schedule on top of it all.
And I am getting sick. great.

All of this was written on Thursday evening and a lot has happened since.
We had our job last night and all went well of course. We had rave reviews. I knew they would but the kids are still getting used to people showing so much apprecitation for good food. We finished wiping, mopping, loading and standing at 9:45. I was totally wrong, I told them we would be home around 9.
We pulled out of the parking lot and I had to drive all of the way to Redcrest, which is about 20 minutes past Fortuna. Of course, they all wanted to go with me. None of them really like being at home, so any excuse to prolong the return...
But, once we got to Fortuna and unloaded the truck, a few of them decided that it was kinda late and they didn't want to get in trouble. So, it ended up being me, ddr boy and Redcrest girl...DDR boy loves Redcrest girl and she likes someone else...so, it was funny witnessing the whole interaction between the two...oh, to be in highschool again! Then on the way home, DDR boy, who lives in Ferndale, and I chatted about...oh whatever. It was fun. Now, how do you know yer a hick??? Or how do you know when you live in the freaking country??? Well, driving into Ferndale there was a freakin dead cow in the middle of the road! There were flares around it and broken glass everywhere...I wanted to take a picture but ddr boy wouldn't let me...he thought it was gross and he said he saw the vertabrae (sp?) hanging out of the cow! I didn't see it though. Oh well, photo op missed!
Right now, I am hooked on Spearhead, so listen to it if you can.
Later for now! I

Brace yourself...it's a pity party!
and p.s.--it is not directed at anyone specific! This is merely my messed up mind at work!!!!

When I see pictures of my school or when I am there in person, I feel overwhelmed. When we drive up into the parking lot, my breathing gets shallower, my knees start shaking and I get REALLY excited...I love my school and I feel soo, sooo lucky to have gone there. I feel like it is less a part of me every day and that scares me... a lot.

So, I don't feel like talking about the trip because when I think about it, I get a headache. When I think about one particular student, I get a headache. When I think about what's going on in my life, I get a headache. When I think about what I wish I was doing instead, I get sad. The grass is always greener, right? Well, how would I know unless I see for myself? I doubt anyone can sit back and tell me that they would blame me for being curious, especially if I'm not feeling the pull that I "should" be in my current situation. I bet however, that plenty of people will/would try and talk me out of any decisions that we may make just because they played it safe in their own lives. I HATE playing it safe. I HATE it when people try and tell me the way to be. I am still young and there is no way that I am going to not do something, even if I screw it up, just because someone told me not to do it! UGH. What's the most frustrating is when people are happy when you screw up. It's like it's more important for them to be right than for you (me) to have lived a little bit of life and learned a little something for myself. There.

Now, do I have a plan? What do you think? No, no plan. BUT, I am open to spontaneity, opinions, ideas, adventure...I am open to collaboration and compromise. What I am not open to is comfortable. I like it a little uncomfortable. If you ask me, comfortable is way scarier than not. It says to me...that's it, no more, you're done, have fun.
So, chatty says, "plan it and we'll go!" Never was I expecting him to say that and so easily. You see, these trips get to him too. He has daydreams of going to culinary school but then talks himself out of it by telling himself that he isn't creative enough. I think that's a load of crap! Why are people so scared of doing the unconventional?!

I know that I am labeled as the 'unrealistic' one in the family. I daydream a lot and get smiled at like, 'oh, that's funny...now really...' back down to earth. So, my mission? To find a plan. Yep, you don't believe me, but I am going to. Even if it is just short term!

This is how I feel often and it's always magnified when I get back from these fieldtrips. This one was the most unique one ever. I was actually accused of basically stealing money from the trip's budget from one of my students. I wish I could no longer claim her as one of my students. AND, when I get back to school, she will be phased out. No longer am I going to give her anything but just the work to be done. She sucks and she ruined my trip...she made me cry. AND, she is fat. I know, I'm mean but really the whole reason she was making these accusations is because she thought that there should be more money for our meals! Hello selfish! I don't even get more than $35 per diem when I go out of town for work! Freak. She could stand to eat less anyways. Walking around SF she couldn't hang with the pack, even when we were going downhill! ughhh! I am completely over this girl! There were lots of good things that happened and unfortunately, it's all overshadowed by her greediness. Here is a picture from -> Chinatown. I love going there. It was so sunny and HOT too. What a beautiful day in the city. We didn't have nearly enough time to enjoy it.

So, we had a nice Easter, right? This is my freaky brother in his ultra retro short shorts. Nice, huh? All ready for a hot tub. What you can't see is that he's not the only one in the room with those fancy shorts on! There are two others and they look just as retro as spank here. Nice hair by the way.

Now about Jerky. He is growing. This is unfortunate because he's already quite large. He can still jump up on the bed and couch, however I wouldn't say it is with ease. He has been enjoying our time off and sleeping inside WAY too much. This is his pathetic mug wanting in yesterday morning. Just before the pic was taken he was actually scratching furiously at the window panes. Such a darling kitty.
Here he is as of right now, this very minute. Rough day. You know, even though his limp is gone, something is still wrong with his hip. When he sits down, he sits with his right leg sticking out to the side, not tucked under like he used to do. So, I don't know, maybe he has a sore hip or something....he just won't tell me what's wrong! I ask and I ask and he just says he's fine and to leave him alone! Whatever.

Okay, well, if it means anything, I feel better after venting!
Later ya'll.

Homage to my good friend...

Well, we are all a little on edge today and probably will be for awhile now. The news is limited, which makes it that much more scary. I am extremely worried for my friend and his family.
I feel uncomfortable leaving town. I feel like what I should be doing instead is driving over to his house and just sitting close to him for a long time. That of course would be way more of a comfort to me than to him but I just feel like I need to be close. We will be thinking of him the entire time that we will be gone...like more than just thinking about him...praying, hoping, wishing, willing, crying...unfortunately, that's all we can do, well, that and sitting really close, with my arm around him, for as long as he will let me...
It doesn't seem right that I write about our trip. I don't want to really talk about anything good right now other than how much I want him to get better, how much I love all of the Smith's and UGHHHH!! This is sooooo unfair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, we are leaving after school today. We are driving straight down to San Francisco and having dinner. We did get into the Olive Oil tour and everything else just fell right into place.

The Jerkus Dingus is not limping anymore which is good.

I have no music to recommend, no food to tell you about, no dreams...WAIT, that is not true...I dreamt of a guy named Marc who worked for a company named Pravin...huh? And for some reason his email address was funnyguy@pravin.com...why do I know this?
Okay, weird, I know...
Wish us fun on our trip!

Peace out yo!

3 days + my students = superduper fun times


So, 9 of my students, Chatters and I are headed off to the Bay Area in 3 days. It is our annual party to celebrare il cibo...celebrate food. We go down to SF and eat 3 meals a day, all at wonderful places...North Beach Pizza, Pakwan Indian Restaurant, Barney's Gourmet Hamburgers, Wine Spectator Restaurant...hmmm...there is more but places that are little and no name type places. That is a picture of their "North Beach Burger". Huge, just like all of the food that they serve there. AND GOOD TOO. Notice the orange in the back of the picture...c'mon, they don't serve oranges there! You would get a fat basket of curly fries and a shake at a place like that! I am most excited about Pakwan though. I went there in December and I still salivate everytime I think of the food. There is just something about Indian food...they serve so many dishes together but they all complement each other perfectly. You can't just have one dish, you need the bread, the chutneys, raitas, rice, samosas...OH, I could go on and on! SO tasty. This is a picture from their menu of a chicken dish...I have no idea what it is but I bet it's good.

The track meet went really well. We sold a buttload of sandwiches and made a killing. Now, we are going to use that money to buy chef coats and take a tour of the Round Pond Olive Oil business...it is $20 per person but I think that it would be very cool to see how it's made. And finally, I can find out why you can have Virgin OO and EVOO (as RR would say)...I mean, how can you get a virgin o.o. if it's already been pressed to make the evoo? It just seems wrong because we all know once it's pressed the first time...it is no longer a virgin...how can you be 'Extra Virgin'? It is all a marketing thing I think, it doesn't seem like something Italians would actually do but I could be totally wrong! It looks really pretty there at Round Pond though. It's almost heavenly looking, don't you think? I really hope that we get in, it may just blow the kids minds to get some special treatment.
So, this dream that I had yesterday...totally strange, but I was asked to give it a title and when I did, I really liked the sound of it. Now, Chatters knows that I have some crazy ass dreams because I try and explain them to him if I am feeling particularly talkative...and I usually am after a vivid dream...and often, he looks at me and just kinda giggles because as soon as it comes out, it really makes NO sense whatsoever...to him, and yet, I press on, thinking that he might relate to the story somehow but if you think about it, that's impossible when you are dreaming of things like I dream of things. SO anyways, I called it "the hummingbird king and his family portrait". Now, just think about this for a minute...where the hell did this come from? I have got some crazy shit buried in my subconscious...he was even wearing a white fur collar and it had those black spots in it, you know, that royal fur???? I am amazed and I only wish that I could wake up and write down everything that happened. I forced myself to remember the closing scene and I am not going to even try to explain...it's just for me I guess. Maybe that's why people always look at you crazy when you try and tell them about it, because only the dreamer really 'gets' it...huh...I will think on this awhile...dreams...crazy...
I just found this new singer, well, new to me. His name is Joe Purdy and he sings my kind of music. He is very nice sounding. I love those guy singers that are just there, with their voice and guitar and they can pull it off and they are singing about real things...I am still looking for female singers but, I don't know, they just aren't exciting. Well, unless we are talking Catpower, that girl can sing, it gives me goosebumps. So, listen to my song choice of the evening...The City by Joe Purdy. It is nice and mellow just like my mood right now.
Okay, sleep well. I am off to make a giant shopping list and then go to bed. It should be a fun 3 day week.
Have a good Monday!

9 weeks + 1 day = relaxation


I don't really have any news. I have been soooo busy it seems like that I don't have time for much when I get home.
Tomorrow night is our biggest trackmeet and we are doing cole slaw and pulled pork sandwiches. They are going to be soooooo good. I can hardly wait to eat one myself. We are also doing a Sri Lankan Chicken dish for staff lunch tomorrow. It is the first time that all of the lunches ordered wanted meat. No one went for the veg dish...not one person...that's funny. I will take pictures of both things so I can show of chatty's talents on the bbq and my student's talents in the classroom...
It however, is late right now and I need to find a Southern recipe for my little ones to make for class tomorrow so I better do that.
Jerky update: He has been limping since last Wed and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I am taking him to the vet on Saturday, that's all there is to it! He must be so sore and tuckered out. He has been sleeping in different places too...like, he'll jump up onto the coffee table and lay there...weird. Or, he is now jumping up on the bed which he hasn't done in soo long. He still jumps a lot even with the limp...he's tough.
Kinda like my dad. This is how I like to see him...relaxed and breathing deep...he doesn't do it much. He is working himself to death and for as long as I can remember he has been doing it. I miss him and I am worried about him. I wanted to put pictures of him on here just cause. I haven't seen him since this day in 2004 and there is something wrong with that. We all three know it but still we just go on with our day to day. If he were to all of the sudden not be around, I think that I would be very sad for a long time.
On that note, I am going to go to bed and dream happy thoughts. Tomorrow should be fun.
Later taters.